C is for Cookie!

C is for Cookie...that's good enough for me.

C is for cookie, that's GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!

Yep I've been waiting for like five days to post this. C is for Cookie. That's good enough for me. Wait'll I get to S when I do even better things. C is for CRAZY JOE CLARK!

Crazy Joe Clark. See, my husband and daughter went to work together in Eastside High... a cesspool of a place (Crazy Joe Clark is gone now.) Ok so maybe it's fictionalized - SO WHAT? I saw what he did with that place. And...he turned it AROUND. He flipped that shit right around on them. Got them kids' test scores right around on them. When he went outside after he locked the doors (to keep the drug dealers out). The fire marshall went to the school and chastised the guy - You just DON'T lock the door. Hell YES you do - you keep the drug dealers out and cleaned UP that school.

He stood in the door with a baseball bat and chains and told the fire marshall "NOW I'm BATMAN". Uh, because he stood there with a baseball bat and told them to GTFO. Oh and weren't they after him after THAT. They locked him up in jail. Like Nelson Mandela or something.Poor kids; they only had to pass the MINIMUM BASIC SKILLS test. Uh, they passed. Thanks to Crazy Joe Clark - "Well NOW they can call me BATMAN" because he went out there with a baseball bat. He simply KICKD OUT the miscreants and the drug dealers. Just told them to GTFO and kept the drug dealers and the miscreants OUT. Just chained the doors and told them to GET LOST.

There was one very young boy who BEGGED him...don't lock the doors, kick them out but not ME! I can't go home and tell my mom I got kicked outta school! PLEASE let me in. Joe brought him up to the roof and said "If you're gonna kill yourself DO IT EXPEDITIOUSLY!" Well Crazy Joe was not a cruel man...well yeah he was; he brought the kid up to the roof and said "You do CRACK don't you!" Kid was like, uh....yeah. (He said, well, just call me BATMAN!" uh, LITERAL bat.) He simply wouldn't put up with fuckery! Maybe this should have gone to L. But we wain't up to that yet. That's L. And it seems a long stretch, pal. Lent is a long desert of a stretch. Catholics. Guilt and penance. (I was raised stretch,and it's a long long dry desert of a stretch. Lent is too long. Well, they asked him and he said,"Lent is too long." Well IT IS! Screw lent (apologies to any Catholics; I was raised Catholic. We know GUILT. I had a lovely "counselor" once, and she pierced my soul; she said :You have a lot of misplaced guilt." Uh, yep, I was raised Catholic! Guilt is part of the program.

At any rate,the kid was over-eating on GUILT; good Catholic boy. (I didn't know blacks suffered that guilt.) And frankly I didn't know blacks suffered from it. Guess I shoulda suffered from GUILT. Well fuck guilt. Saved is saved. I've never been able to get the guilt. I thought guilt was ALL MINE. My lovely conselor told me "You suffer from a lot of misplaced guilt." Well I sure suffered from guilt didn't I? (Mom drilled it into me didn't she?) She said most of it was misplaced. And...it set me free. I have suffered from GUILT since day one - misplaced? Are you SURE? Because guilt s seet me up. Guilt? WHY? What in the fuck had I done wrong? I was a straight A student. I never got into any real trouble. So how the fuck was GUILT a part of the equation? Maybe I shoulda saved this for G but...nah. You know why guilt was part of the equation? BECAUSE I'm GUILTY of everything. Who FUCK guilt. Judy told me it was all misplaced. Now WHY did they send me back to my parents? Back in the days when "reunification" was the watchword. I didn't want to go back to a cruel family. But didn't they send me back there. Idiots. Not really because the WERE

Well, they sent me BACK. BACK to those cruel jackasses. "They favor reunification." As IF there was any hope of resolution. They just DOUBLED DOWN. Not that that's saying much. They were CRUEL. They were goddamn dirty DOUBLED DOWN. Nt dather hung up a list of ny punishment. My idiot stepfather made a LIST (which hung over my desk. A BIG list,) A list that I was to follow without question, And it was LONG. I couldn;t see my only source of comfort (grandparents) - OK, she can't see her grandparents. That was the most cruel (but didn't he LOVE cruelty.) He posted it over my desk - You shall NOT see your grandparents. Um, they were my only source of comfort, so THAT was cruel. You can't go rollerskating. (AHHHH!) You shan't do this and you SHALL do that...the fucking list was a mile long. Every week I was "good". Um, I THINK I was. Wipe the table, even your idiot little brother's dried-on SUGAR from his cereal. Do dishes.

I had VERY bad hair - I mean it was VERY bad hair. S the freak. He threw waghter on the hair that I'd worked I once asked him, could we have a new rule? Make S WIPE UP HIS Sugar-soaked cereal just ONCE. He had a fucking fit. And you ain't seen nothing 'til you see that man's FITS. He ..well I guess he beat me didn't he? I don't know why, but he just wet INSANE. He lost it. He droped his basket. He just started beating me.

Yeah, see, I had never defied him in any way; too terrified if his rages. But THIS time, as he's leaning me over my bed and beating my ass, I looked back at him with RAGE. Oh sure, he said "Ok ok, GO AHEAD, GET MAD AT ME!" Well, I did. First time I'd ever done that; I couldn't take it anymore. I hyperventilated and looked at him with utter hatred. I don't think he was expecting that. Hell, **I** wasn't expecting that. I hyperventilated and just showed him how much I hated him. He got cold; he just said "OH YOU'RE MAD??? GO AHEAD GET MAD." I was 13,too old to be "spanked" (if that's what you call it; I still call it torture - I call it...torture. He hit HARD.) and I looked at him breathing heavy and through my facial expression and hyperventilating, and I didn't say anything,but I expressed my hatred anyway. YES I HATE HIM. He had his good points, but beating a child wasn't one of them. He said, "Ok Ok,GO AHEAD AND HATE ME!" Hg=hm that was almost the last. One day he threw water on my HAIR (my most sensitive points - my HAIR.) Apparently my grandmother told him that the doctor recommended throwing WATER on her HAIR...they didn't know my hair was my most sensitive point. I'd been tortured about my hair since grammar school. Or maybe they didn't care.) So the sonofabitch just threw water in my face and in my hair (for the sin of ASKING if my stupid little brother could JUST WIPE UP HIS SUGARY MILK - and that IS hard to get out once it's dried.) Lemme tell you, DRIED sugary shit on the table IS hard to get up Especially if you're twelve.)Um, did I just tell you he didn't beat me? HAH! You BET he did. Cruel fuck. Yeah he sure as fuck beat me.

I called child abuse hotline and asked "Well, if he beats you but it doesn't leave manuy marks,THEN what? Guess what? NO HELP. There's more but I don't have the heart to write it. I might NEVER write it. Well maybe but I'll l'll leave itfor another day; I'm gonna see if Bety Brioderick is on. Hugs,

B: Bubblething, Bullwhip, Brother, Barking Moonbats

Bubble thing. I never got the hang of it, but I didn't try too hard either. Good stuff (video.)

I first saw this guy doing bubble tricks years ago in a video at Six Flags and my God is he awesome - he says THIS is what you get for playing with bubbles every day for eight years. And, er, I bet some of the smoke he uses at home ISN'T tobacco, either. Excellent video.

Trivia - the sound of cracking when someone flicks a whip is actually a mini sonic boom; created when the last few inches of whip breaks the sound barrier - over 700 mph. But I still liked it when Harrison Ford just took out his gun and shot the one guy instead of whip-fighting him; biggest laugh of the movie. Oddly, it turns out they DID have a massive fight planned, but Ford has dystentery and said "Look, guys - can I PLEASE just shoot the guy? I'm not up to this." Inadvertently making the movie better than it already was. But then Lucas and Spielberg are basically insane.

Ok so I will do brother then. I had one hell of a family; it was the sport of all three of them to think up new ways to torture me - a group effort; yay teamwork! Shitheads. But my little brother was a character and a half. Uh...yeah they all were, but he took the cake in some ways. I mean what do you say about a boy who carried a pink baby doll to school every day (and everywhere else) until he was ten? Yeah, I thought the same thing. Baby Big Boy, he called it. It had a string and had like 8 different phrases I think. Sure the kids at school ragged on him - so did I. Come on, the kid did latchhook ffs. Ok so it was sort of cute, and he'd been sick a lot as a younger toddler, so one can perhaps not blame them for spoiling him stark raving rotten. But get real...if you have to peel a boiled hot dog and the kid has only 6 other items on his entire menu...all of which are snow white (god help you if you didn't cut off every shred of brown off the dry-ass roasted skinless chicken breast and heaven help you if two things touched on his plate!) then your kid is just a tad too picky. Plain pasta (just salt), french fries - only the middle; ends would be discarded, peeled green apples, white bread with Marshmallow Fluff on it, plain peeled hot dogs on white buns, potatoes whipped until they're the consistency of runny Cool Whip...um, that's about it. Oh, except the popcorn - just dug through and bit off the puffy tops, left all the rest back in the bowl - one time a friend of my mother's dug into a bowl of popcorn only to hear my mother say, "Um, S already ate that." Ew. No pizza, NO tomato sauce, no cheese, no milk (well maybe with Bosco in it) and the ketchup had to be stored in the cabinet (Heinz only) so it wasn't cold. He told every girlfriend that if there were ever to be any cohabitation or marriage, HE would do the "cooking." That's cooking? And I haven't even told you the worst, most bizarre aspects of their unnatural relationship. Just trust me, it sure wasn't pretty, and it was downright horrifying at times. Some lunatic Oedipal thing or something...yeah, I'm not going there; it's too gross and feels too disloyal even if I don't talk to any of them anymore. You know what I like? Christian brothers. And that's every bit as real as any blood ties. (No offense to non-Christians; I love you guys too! ;) ) Over the years my brother-in-law has come to be much like a real brother...took a long time and a lot of patient sowing, but we care about each other. Big confirmed bachelor type, so we're kinda all he's got. And maybe he's all we've got too, since their mother passed on. He's got his flaws, but don't we all? And as Forrest Gump says, that's all I have to say about that. I actually found the doll on ebay once (vintage and everything) and was gonna buy it and send it to him for a joke, but it never worked out. I thought it might be funny for his wife to see his old childhood love :D Ah well, didn't happen. Well...C tomorrow. I got my first word all set up (it's been going through my head for days) but I'll have to think of some other stuff. This is kind of fun!!

And for those of you who hate moonbattery, here's a link to the Barking Moonbat Early Warning System. I prefer to mention the howling at the moon, but this works too. Howl at the Moon.

A: Absinthe, Antarctica, Anarchy

That's what the American Absinthe looks like; it's a snazzy black bottle and was only put back on the market fairly recently...they outlawed it for a long time. Unfortunatelyit's very expensive; - looks like it's gone down some but it was almost 70 dollars a bottle. For the higher wormwood content European stuff, which you have to order from Europe itself, it's more like $300 a bottle. Ouch. So it's been quite some time since I've had it. If you can afford it I highly recommend giving it a go. It's quite unlike any other drink, and the effect isn't really like being drunk; it's more like being in an altered state altogether.

If you DO try it, however, go to the site and see how to properly louche it first - don't make the mistake I did and just drink it. Like the guy says in the instruction video, you'd have to be insane to drink it straight. Now he tells me.

Quite interesting; they provide a little metal strainer which is put atop the glass with a sugar cube on it, and you gently pour a tiny stream of ice-cold water over it...as it hits the liquid, you can watch it cloud up and get thick. You can even by a loucher that lets off a steady stream of water. Good stuff.

Antarctica Condition ONE weather- my god, COVER IT! It's like the passage to hell!

Anarchy? No, not the cookbook, the ideology. I can't tell you how many times I've been accused of promoting anarchy (or, swing the other way and they'll tell you I'm promoting Nazi fascism; either way they get it wrong.) I'm sorry, free markets coupled with common law protections are anarchy? And how exactly did the National Socialists promote either one? The comparisons just don't add up, my friend.

Alphabet Challenge

Ok so tomorrow I start the alphabet challenge. You think I can't come up with shit? Hah! You betcher ass I can. I can think of ten things just for A. Wait'll we get to M LOL. The alphabet challenge is something a friend came up with...ok a friend of a friend. You start on April FOOL'S day, April 1, and you blog every day (discounting Sundays - apparently somebody's a better Christian than me; usually on Sunday I'm hungover so works for me) and by the end of the month you've worked your way through the alphabet. If I drop out of sight in the meantime it means I'm homeless BUT NOT DEAD; apparently until our time comes we're immortal. (Which makes suicide a joke - how can you kill yourself unless its your time?) At any rate since we're prolly gonna get more traffic I prolly have to come up with something uplifting...ah who am I kidding? I gotta be me! And me is dark. So we'll go with the dark alphabet shall we?

Umm I just looked at sunsets...you see, here on the East Coast we can't see sunsets on the water; did see a magnificent sunrise over the Niagara Falls once tho. But...am I the only person who loathes SUN? Even the word, SUN makes me ill. The sun has poisoned me more than once - sun poisoning isn't pretty; you peel and peel over and over. It burns your eyes. I like second shift - no sun. And when you google sunsets you come up with eight bazillion pictures featuring PALM TREES. FUCK palm trees. Big ugly trunks with a little puff on top. Screw that. I like Mimosas and maples. Mimosas, when they're done right, you can climb and they got these pretty little leaves and gorgeous blooms in the spring. In fact, FUCK spring without Mimosas. It's useless without those pretty pink blooms. Oh sure you can have your cherry trees that you gotta RENT something to pick because they're so high. All pretty blooms and then impossible fruit. WITH seeds. BIG seeds. No, Mimosas are much more delicate. I sense a picture coming. There it is:

Disaster Averted

Ok so I'm sitting on my bed eating some roasted chicken (even if I do think I make it better than my husband does; he thinks different) and reading. Husband, son and daughter are all down the hall in the kitchen eating chicken. All of a sudden "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHCCCHHHHH" - this SCREAM of a choke starts coming down the hall, and I know it's my daughter, because it's her voice. Then it starts going on, and on, and ONNNN! She was choking sure as hell. Now I know the conventional wisdom and it's *normally* quite correct - as long as the person is making sounds or coughing (uh, which makes a sound) then leave them alone to get it out, right? But no, it was VERY clear with this sound that it was to be immediately followed by silence - either by a complete blockage of the airway or death, or both. Normally I'm very good in any emergency and I almost started running down the hall to Heimlich the kid (now again,normally you wouldn't Heimlich someone unless there was no sound, and there are very good reasons for that; you're trying to use the last bit of air left inside to dislodge whatever's stuck in there, but like I say, in this case if you had heard it you would know; it WAS time to try) - but for some reason instead I screamed "OH MY GOD HELP HER, PLEASE HELP HER!" (I was talking to my husband and son there, not praying for a miracle.) And as I'm screaming that I hear my husband say, "No, get UNDER there!" - now if there's one thing I've taught my kids, it's life-saving techniques and first aid. And remaining calm and pro-active during an emergency. It kept on and on...and then suddenly, it stopped and she was ok. I was JUST about to run down the hall (I can't run, but under the right conditions I could probably lift a car, you know?) and dial 911 but that wasn't the answer; the problem is that in that 4 minutes she would have been dead. And unfortunately our most local ambulance services closed up shop so it would be more minutes; we'd end up with some idiot asshole rookie cop telling us to wait for an ambulance or something. Hell, wait until I tell about the time I had a seizure and the difference between the ambulance help and the police help (hint: the cops always get there first.)

Anyway, I'm still screaming, "IS SHE OK, IS SHE??? WHAT HAPPENED?" and I heard, oh thank God, I heard her saying "It's OK Mommy".

But of course I had to get all the inside poop so I made them all come in and tell me what happened in detail. It was a CHICKEN BONE caught in her airway - almost but not quite fully blocking it. I said "So, did you get it up on your own, or did he get it up for you?" She said "Oh hell no, it wasn't going ANYWHERE; HE got it up! As soon as daddy told him to get UNDER there" (he started a tad too high).

So I started singing that song "How to save a life..." because I was so happy and proud. Why in hell she was chewing a bite with a bone in it I'll never know; I wouldn't. It was JUST like the scene in Amadeus where Salieri's father chokes on a chicken bone (he must have been a good actor because the sound was exactly the same only more drawn out and repeated many times.) So then of course I had to quote Salieri there - when his father was choking on a chicken bone, he said, "And then you know what happened? A MIRACLE!" See, he hated his father ;) But frankly I did not want to go watch this young woman I love die, part of why I hesitated, in fact.

Then I told my son "You actually saved her LIFE; you're a hero!" And no one will ever know; pity, that. But I can rest easy in the knowledge that I DID pass on some great tools and the ability to use them to the people that matter most to me. Sure, I could have done it - I HAVE done it, but to see someone else do it is awe-inspiring; especially when you know you were the one who taught them how.

Ok so I'll include one other anecdote (aren't you lucky! lol) - not the last thanksgiving but the one before that, our ailing cousin - well, my husband's cousin, but she's always treated me as family - was sitting next to me and she didn't have her plate in. And she didn't cut her turkey small enough. And it was slightly underdone,and thus a tad more...rubbery? (No, it wasn't rubbery; it was delicious, but rubbery will do.) And she was sitting right next to me, and suddenly...that sound. That horrible choking sound. And I did what you're supposed to; I asked her if she was choking, and she kept choking. Then I asked her if she was all right, and she shook her head no. Emphatically. See, you normally have some idea if you're gonna cough something up. She was still making sounds, but when someone tells you they're choking and they're NOT OK, you gotta go for it. So I jumped the hell up and grabbed her skinny ass and PUSHED. A second later, she said "Ok ok ok ok - I got it; it's up." I only had to do it once. Ideally, you only have to do it once; like I say, the idea is to use the last bit of air to dislodge the thing. Postscript - as she's standing there (did I forget to mention she stood up, as one naturally would, when she started choking really bad?) I saw across the table my brother-in-law sitting there looking extremely annoyed, rolling his eyes and looking at his plate...wtf? I was like, the girl is CHOKING here, hello?!? (Girl...hehe, she's 50.) Anyway, later on he actually mentioned it disgustedly, about how she was "puking" on her plate. I said "She wasn't puking, she was CHOKING to death". And...in her typical fashion of demeaning me in little ways (she doesn't know she's doing it so I don't fault her so much for it) she said, "You almost had it, too." Heh. That's the thanks I get for dislodging the turkey - you ALMOST had the spot. As though I didn't kick it the hell out personally. Ah well; I don't want credit - watchword for emergencies - remain calm, and employ your techniques. Use them appropriately, and be trained in first aid. No one remained calm or knew the techniques to breathe air into me when I stopped breathing so I pretty much drilled it into them even more after that. In fact, I drilled everyone who came to my house - "Hey, if I ever stop breathing, THIS is how you do it..." Hehe. I like to breathe. When I found out that CPR only works 2% of the time I was dismayed and when I read that those paddles of electricity can NOT *restart* your heart but can only stabilize an ailing heartbeat, I was doubly dismayed. What the hell did I learn all that stuff for? Well...you gotta try :) So...lives saved, many at any rate. Heh, when I swallowed a penny at 1 1/2 or 2 (I remember it, but I was tiny) my babysitter saw me sitting there not breathing and choking, and SHE hung me upside down by my feet and pounded me on the back. By the way, it worked! Out popped the penny! Gravity rocks!

Or HERE

Once, Twice, Three Times the Punishment...

Ok so this doesn't make any sense to me. Well it makes SOME sense but I hate it, try that.

You see, this man has four wives. And umpteen kids (no, I'm not looking it up, YOU look it up.) HOW? WHY? FOR WHAT? Look, it's one thing to be a playa and have 4 girls you're screwing, right? This isn't that. This is four WIVES. With all their non-birth-controlled kids. All in the same house. This is "Sister Wives" - a positive portrayal of a polygamous family, with ONE man and four wives and endless kids. In fact, after meeting one of his sister wives, her MOTHER ended up becoming part of the family by marrying his father...or maybe his mother. Never mind that he already HAD a wife. SHE, quite naturally, was jealous at first, but he just LOVED it, didn't he? Is it really worth it? To have four holes to bury your sword in? SERIOUSLY?

No, I don't get it. I actually cried to my husband, asking him if he would want another fucking WIFE - isn't one bad enough??? The responsibility, the care, the heartache...the shit we ALL go through...how could you possibly share that equally with FOUR OTHER PEOPLE? You can't. Fuck this guy. Fuck sister wives. I don't care how much they love each other as gals, it ain't natural. One might argue that monogamy isn't natural either - FUCK YOU! YES IT IS. Yes we can! I only want one man and I sure as FUCK don't want that man running off to share his bed with another woman who he allegedly loves equally to me; other women, BACK OFF! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM. He loves ME. ME ME ME ME ME. Call it what you want you stupid polygamous fucks; you're SICK.

More Jackass

Ok so this isn't political. Obama still sucks? Congress still blows? Economy still socializing? Freedoms still being lost? Yeah, I think we're caught up then.

The picture? Also has nothing to do with Jackass - it's a Deep Sea Hatchetfish - otherwise known as the Fish that Will Eat Your Soul or the Fish of the Damned. I just liked it.

Anyway, I'm kind of surprised they actually made a Jackass 3 - I was pretty sure they were done with Jackass 2. Steve-O went on to make an incredibly drunk performance on late night television and security had to escort him out; he's been sober two years now. Bam went on to get married, had a pretty funny show Viva la Bam, mostly thanks to his incredibly tolerant parents and his hilarious molestor uncle Don Vito, then he just sorta poofed. He got his comeuppance for his smartassery (as opposed to Jackassery) in Jackass 2 when they made him cry a minimum of three times - he likes to be the one punching you in the nuts, he doesn't want to be thrown in with snakes and they let loose on him in a quite satisfying manner. Johnny Knoxville's appetite for self-destruction was already petering out - you could tell in the riot gun stunt - he didn't want to be seriously injured (and certainly wants a fully constructed face as well as future mobility) and I think the cameramen were sick of puking at the late-night drunk-fuckery.

But they did it anyway - I'm pretty sure the only way they convinced Bam to participate was by promising him HE could be the punk and ball-puncher this time and they wouldn't make him cry too much. Which is why the running "Rocky" gag; only one of which they flipped on him to make him squeal like the little bitch he is. It was actually worth it just to see him tased and thrown into a snakepit, crying and screaming. Johnny seemed to laugh just as hard as ever at the shenanigans, Wee-man never stops laughing (maybe he never stops drinking) and they all seemed to be in pretty much top form. At least close. Admittedly they turned down the danger level a tad (they aren't young guys anymore so much, eh?) and went with the other factors a bit more that have contributed to the success of the franchise, but all in all I have to say it was worth it. Go ahead and watch it; you know you want to.

Rip Taylor was still hilarious at the end, too. I must say I warned my son around the time the show became popular that if he was considering Jackassery himself, he'd better put that thought RIGHT out of his head - these guys are sick and the stuff they do is extraordinarily dangerous. They put the disclaimer at the beginning "These stunts are done by professionals; do NOT attempt them and do NOT submit any footage of yourself trying Jackass-style stunts because we won't even watch them." Which I guess is true in one sense - they are professionals in the sense that they get paid to do what they do. But so far as I know they are not professional stuntmen - they submitted footage of their idiocy and it got popular...and people got hurt trying to copy them. THEY got hurt plenty themselves (not to impugn Bam's incredible skateboarding skill; but that wasn't what got him on the map. It was the footage of the stupid stuff he and his pals would do.) Now, of course, they have teams of professionals on hand to oversee the stunts, the animals, and provide medical attention, but I don't know as that makes them pro stuntmen themselves. No, they started as Jackasses and they finish as Jackasses IMO. Funny, lovable, sick jackasses. And still worth watching. It'll be the last one; this time I'm pretty sure of it, so enjoy.

Honestly it's almost worth it just to see how hard they laugh at one another getting hurt.

My Idol - Stephen King

Ok so I been reading the guy thirty years or more; I CAN'T HELP IT. Though I gotta say his last book screwed with my head in a very bad, very unfunny way. When he named it "Full Dark, No Stars" he wasn't kidding; this is PITCH black shit. And frankly his last line in the afterword felt like a kick in the face. My daughter assures me it was sarcastic...but I'm not sure. At any rate, he made a comment about Sstephanie Meyer (SP?) and her idiotic "Twilight" books. You a "Twilight" fan? Fuck off then. I hated the first book so much I only read it twice (and lemme tell you, if I only read your stupid book twice YOU SUCK.) He made the comparison between that and the author of the Harry Potter series, saying that at least SHE could WRITE. Now I only read the first three of the Potter series but I would willingly read the rest. SHE actually CAN write. And Meyer can't. So for my enjoyment I am going to include a commentary (a rare commentary since he doesn't talk much) by King about the flap. Oh, you didn't know there was a flap? Well THERE WAS. Twilight fans - all the sad dancing hipsters and emos and whoever the hell else they are had a FIT about the comment. Hahaha - hey, I might find sad dancing hipsters sexy (like 'em young and at least they have the sense NOT to wear loose pants and wear their hair long) but their taste in literature SUCKS.

Here's the commentary: Doesn't matter if it's cut off because there's no movement.

The Weirdest Thing Happened on the Way to My Blog Today...

I tried to go to my blog this morning via the URL and got a message that my blog had been REMOVED; no explanation, no nothing. So I started following links and trying to get some telephone help -ended up with an Amazon phone number (which in my distress I mistook for a google number), called it, and the woman took my info and filled out a form asking them to reinstate the blogspot, and asking if there was any further information they needed. She said it would take 24 - 48 hours. Great. But then I got an email from Amazon asking if she'd resolved my problem and lo and behold, the next time I tried to get to the blog, it was there. What. the. hell.??? What does Amazon have to do with it? Why does google have all sorts of personal information about me associated with my gmail account? Why did she deign to help me when they're not affiliated in that way? Why did the account suddenly appear again? Oh, none of this makes any sense at all and I. don't. like. it. When I had my own domain it was fine and dandy but my hiatus caused me to miss the last couple bills on the domain so it is gone for good. (Another 5 or 7 years of my work just gone, but c'est la vie.)

Well, for the moment the blog is here and if it disappears again I'll certainly try to get the correct phone number to rectify it (no way I'll be waiting for mere emails.) And as soon as (and assuming IF) I can rectify my financial problems I'm doing my own domain again to end all this ridiculous hassle. I really don't want or need it. But er...uh...thanks Amazon for helping me?? If you did? And...yeah, domain time. The name isn't taken and I can still get it back, so I'll do that if it comes to it and I'm ever able. In the meantime I'm also going to mark down all my blogroll addresses somewhere where they won't be lost if something should go kerflooey again. But I tell you...WEIRD.

Banana Phone - for Fun

This always makes me laugh. It's a real song (for kids by Raffi) but what they do with it is hilarious. Enjoy. Of course it's cut off so see it HERE

Dear John - Rape-ish

That one ought to show fully. It's small. This HR3 question is bugging me and I don't like to be bugged. First of all the hysterics and freaking feminists are losing their minds - Marcotte goes so far as to claim that the point of this bill is to punish (by denying healthcare to) young women who dare to have sex. But she's an idiot. So first I have a problem because no matter where I turn I'm seeing feminists bitching and that's never a good thing. Plus, they get it wrong; I'm gonna quote one at a bit of length in a minute. It bothers me secondly because is THIS what we sent these fuckers to congress for? Is this why I spent my own money to drive our car down to Washington, DC, lay out for a hotel and food, and attend a rally that had no bathrooms or food vendors nearby for? So these people could go to congress and start up this piddling bullshit? This is exactly what we told them NOT to do - to start in on the social shit. We have an economy to fix - a budget to get settled and very hard funding choices to make, not to mention the debt ceiling, and two years of Obama legislation to undo, and instead we get THIS? I think I hear the sound of one-termers already. Boehner you might as well hand Nancy her gavel back if this is your priority.

I'm not going to take a position on abortion here - there are likely cases where someone is in serious danger and doesn't have money or insurance and needs help; OK but overall I don't see why government should be paying willy-nilly for abortions. As to insurance companies...well let's quote the feminist and then get to that.

1. This bill narrows the “rape” exception to include only “forcible rape.” As Sady explains: Under this new bill, the only rape survivors who would be able to receive funding would be those who were able to prove that their rapes involved “force.” If your rapist drugged you, intoxicated you, or raped you while you were unconscious, you don’t get coverage. If your rapist used coercion, you don’t get coverage. If this is a case of statutory rape — that is, if you are a thirteen-year-old child, raped by someone outside of your family — you don’t get coverage. If you’re an incest survivor over the age of eighteen — if, say, years of abuse only culminated in a pregnancy after your nineteenth birthday — you just don’t get coverage.

Ok,so they've removed the "forcible" language and now it includes cases where someone was coerced, drugged, etc. Having been slipped a mickey a time or two myself I can attest that you can be completely unaware of your actions after that, and I'd certainly file that under rape. I'm still unclear as to why this language was in there in the first place. We paid for 191 abortions due to rape last year...is adding the word "forcible" one of those "deep and meaningful cuts" in spending that the freshmen were sent there to make? Because I'm not seeing it.

2. This bill narrows the “life of the mother” exceptions to include only physical threats to the life of the mother. If carrying to term a pregnancy that you do not want might make you suicidal, or if giving up a baby for adoption might be more than you can emotionally bear, too damn bad. No abortion coverage unless the pregnancy causes a risk to your physical health.

You know...too fucking bad. The life of the mother means just that; it means a real threat, not that you just "can't bear" it. If you can't bear it, use a rubber. Go on the pill. Do something to prevent it from happening, fool. There are 8 bazillion ways NOT to get pregnant; pick one.

3. This bill empowers rapists. This bill makes it pretty damn clear, by only offering the rape exception to pregnant survivors of “forcible rape,” that any form of sexual violation that doesn’t involve force isn’t really rape. And since about 70% of rapists don’t use force when they rape, that lets about 70% of rapists off the hook.

Considering the feminist definitions of "rape" that is probably fine. You guys are insane. Don't believe me? Check out the "Biting Beaver" Rapist Checklist. I'll wait. Yeah. No. If that's what we're paying for, something's wrong.

4. This bill goes even further than the Hyde Amendment, which already prevents federal funds from being used for abortion. By amending the tax code to make it incredibly unappealing for private health insurance companies to cover abortion, this bill makes abortion less affordable than ever. As the New York Times reports: The tax credits that are encouraging small businesses to provide insurance for their workers could not be used to buy policies that cover abortions. People with their own policies who have enough expenses to claim an income tax deduction could not deduct either the premiums for policies that cover abortion or the cost of an abortion. People who use tax-preferred savings accounts to pay medical costs could not use the money to pay for an abortion without paying taxes on it.

Yeah, they lose me here. What? Now you can't claim your insurance costs on your taxes? Bullshit. Don't get me wrong; when I was growing up and abortion became like the most common surgery in the country, you weren't getting your insurance to pay for it. You scraped up $200 or you were out of luck. I won't claim your insurance is "denying you reproductive medical care" if they won't pay for an elective abortion - most will likely pay if there are extenuating circumstances anyway, so quitcherbitchin' and be glad any of them pay at all. At the same time for the government to start sticking its nose in there? BULL. Absolute, unadulterated BULL. You want to talk about abortions we pay for out of government coffers directly (LATER WHEN WE'RE ALL WORKING AGAIN PERHAPS?) fine, but this is just nonsense. How much money is this actually supposed to save? This passes for "deep spending cuts"? No. Screw you.

5. This bill completely contradicts what the GOP’s professed priorities. Speaker Boehner and the rest of the GOP claim that their top priority is creating jobs for Americans. But this bill, their third piece of legislation in the new session, has nothing to do with creating jobs and everything to do with sexism and culture war politics.

I agree...except you, being an economic fool, think the government literally "creates" jobs. It doesn't work that way, honey. What the government does is cut spending and taxes, and relieving overly burdensome regulation and red tape, and the job market begins to grow. Now by focusing on this nonsense clearly they aren't doing that - but you aren't going to like it when they DO start doing that anyway and you're going to wonder why they aren't "creating jobs" for you. Trust me; that isn't how it works, ok?

So...if Obama's a one-termer and THIS is what congress is going to spend its time on, there are going to be an awful lot of one-termers out there. I'd as soon turn it back over to the Dhimmis and let them burn it all down if this congress doesn't get its head on straight, FAST, and start focusing on this economic mess we're in. Let them break the bone all the way through so it can be properly set and heal if that's what it takes; no need to watch as alleged "Tea Party-friendly" GOPers just slowly twist the damned thing for years until it can NEVER be fixed.

Funnies with Physics

I stole these because they were funny. You didn't think I could be this funny on my own, did you?

The bartender says to the tachyon, "We don't serve your kind in here!" The tachyon leaves. A tachyon walks into a bar.

Some helium floats into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here." The helium doesn't react.

A Neutron saunters up to the bar and orders a drink. "How much?" he asks. Bartender says, "For you, no charge.

A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." The superconductor leaves without any resistance.

Man, entropy ain't what it used to be.

A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." The neutrino says, "I'm just passing through."

A Higgs boson walks into a church. The priest says, "Your kind isn't welcome here." The boson replies, "But without me, how can you have mass?"

An atom walks into a bar, orders a beer, takes one sip and breaks down in tears. The bartender comes over and says, "Hey pal, whatsa matter?" Atom says, "I think I just lost an electron!" Bartender says, "Are you sure?" Atom says, "Yeah, I'm POSITIVE!"

A Redditor searches for jokes about superstrings, but only finds a bunch of long threads.

State of the What?

Oh. Barry was on television again? That's nice. Isn't he, like, always on television? You know what would have been hilarious? If halfway through the speech, he got Bill Clinton to come out and finish it for him. I would have totally watched that on youtube. I might take a peek at Bachmann's rebuttal transcripts, because some conservatives were getting very pissy about that. So, you know, just to see what it's all about. Maybe. Other than that, I really don't give a rat's ass.

I made it through 8 years of Clinton without watching one of these things, and didn't suffer for it. I think I can make it through the next 6. Or two. Whatever. Come to think of it, I didn't watch Bush's either. Because I just didn't, that's why. With Clinton I changed the channel the minute he ever came on, because A) he was a camera whore who NEVER got his mug out of the lens and B) I knew if his lips were moving he was lying anyway, so what was the point? With Bush I just figured there were now plenty of ways to keep informed as to what's going on and listening to a canned presidential speech is just about on the bottom rung of that list. So why would I suddenly tune in for yet another camera whore whose lip movement means "lie" and now there are even *more* ways to stay informed? Yeah, I wouldn't, that's what. If I really want to know the state of the union I'll just watch Idiocracy.

I have my own rebuttal planned anyway, and I'll give it to you now: Your revolution is over, Lebowski; the bums lost - my condolences! Is there really anything more I could hope to learn by listening to Obama read his teleprompter? I didn't think so either.

To those of you who watched it - just think, you could have been drinking margaritas and playing online card games at Pogo instead. Or having sex. (Alone or with someone; doesn't matter.) Or watching something useful like Dumb and Dumber. Maybe shooting some pool. I hope it was worth it for you.

And to cheer you up if you DID waste your time, here's a fun funny with lots of Biden lols - Good Stuff

Good News and Bad News

So Olberdouche is GONE - just like that. In a surprise announcement, he says "Ok folks, that's it, sayonara, nice knowin' ya'! His new job as The Worst Person in the World begins after a brief sabbatical. Who we're going to get to scream and yell at us to be civil after this, I don't know. But good riddance to bad rubbish. That's the good news.

The bad news is that they're moving some other douche up to his slot, leaving a slot open for Cenk effing Uygur. I don't know if you know the guy, but he's on "The Young Turks", a far-left youtube show that has often debated Lee Doren of Bureaucrash, a bona fide original grassroots Tea Partier from the early days who has made it pretty big (and more power to him, I say. His links are on my sidebar; DO check him out; he shreds bullshit with no profanity and no incivility and nothing but cold hard fact - great stuff.) Anyway, I had just been happening to look into this supposed controversy where Sarah Palin was being castigated for not screaming at Ann Coulter.

Ok from the beginning, then, for clarity. I see a post somewhere about Sarah Palin supposedly constantly calling her own son "My retarded baby" (source of this alleged info? Levi Johnston during his happy fun tour.) Which led me to a controversy wherein Ann Coulter posted a link on twitter to a video of "A retard interviewing a Republican". It turned out the "retard" was Cenk Uygur, who I happen to be familiar with. Well Cenk wrote an angry article for the Huffington Post wherein he demanded to know WHY Sarah Palin was not making a public statement condemning Coulter for using the word "retard". Now mind you, I don't care whether she does so or not - it's not Palin's job to police everything everyone says, and she's eaten enough shit sandwiches for ten grown men already, and no matter WHAT she does they're going to crucify her so if she says nothing I couldn't care less. But Cenk was convinced that if Palin didn't condemn Coulter it would forever make her a hypocrite. As if they don't already think she is. Duh.

So I'm wondering, well maybe it wasn't a very nice thing for Ann to say that - perhaps she should have chosen a different word, etc. etc. which led me to look up the interview in question. And THEN I got pissed. Because the interview she was referring to was one in which Cenk was interviewing the head of the GOProud, the Gay Republican group. Apparently CWA (Concerned Women for America) and the Family Research Council are boycotting CPAC (the biggest conservative convention) because the GOProud is going to be there for the second or third year in a row. Well, fuck them - they can boycott; I don't like the LaHayes or Dobson anyway. For YEARS Dobson's been a one-trick pony, and that trick is teh gays. I have my own personal opinions and my own personal religious beliefs, but I don't prefer to mix them up with government - government can stay out of my damned personal business so I'm sure it can stay out of gay people's business too. I don't see anything in the constitution about policing people's sex lives anyway. (Please don't say it; I know being gay is about more than sex; but it's the sex that they have a problem with and we all know it.) At any rate, being a Tea Partier, the more the merrier - so long as they want what I do - a constitutionally limited government, free markets, common law (gov't exists to protect people from direct harm to persons and property) and liberty, climb aboard. (For that matter, the first specifically black Tea Party meeting is taking place in Houston and won't that make lefty heads 'splodey? Haha!) And those Last Days books suck. They're poorly written, the theology blows, and all Bev LaHaye cares about is teh gays too. So if they don't think they want or need the help of people who have likeminded views on government or who are conservative just because they're gay, screw them.

So, back to the interview. Cenk is interviewing the head of GOProud, and the guy is very intelligent and articulate and I sure would have liked to hear more from him but Cenk just couldn't let up for a second. Which brings me back to where I got really pissed off. He starts right off attacking the guy, asking how he can POSSIBLY be a Republican. So the guy makes a distinction right away; he says, actually I'm a **conservative** Republican, emphasis on conservative. Because it's really not all about party, now, is it? We've had so many RINOs for so long that we kind of HAVE to make these distinctions now, don't we? Which this guy does. And Cenk starts challenging him asking how he can POSSIBLY align himself with conservatives when conservatives hate him. The guy TRIES to explain that since the formation of GOProud they have been welcomed to CPAC and that he feels more welcomed as a gay among conservatives than he does as a conservative around gay people. Which makes a lot of sense. Did Cenk let him even finish a thought? Hell no. Cenk continued to deride and harangue the guy, but even worse, he kept LAUGHING IN HIS FACE - repeatedly, loudly, rudely. This is a guest on his fucking SHOW - is that how you treat your guests? Really? THAT passes for journalism? Laughing in a guy's face over and over again and telling him what a moron he is? So I lost all interest in the fact that Coulter called him a retard (which is an offense to retarded people everywhere, who don't deserve to be compared to such an odious prick) and instead my ire was directed at this Uygur character who can't conduct himself professionally during a freaking interview. Now, my heart really goes out to this poor GOProud guy, because here he is trying to effect positive change in the country so we can get back to a constitutional government and maybe all get back to WORK and making some money instead of plunging into the misery index yet again, and not only do two prominent groups boycott a same-party event because of his group but the opposition laughs in his face. WTF? He didn't deserve that shit. No, the disgrace here was not Ann's use of the word "retard" but the SHAMEFUL treatment of a guest by Cenk Uygur. And now MSNBC is gonna put him on the 6 o'clock news? Oh yeah, GOOD move, assnuggets. I hope he gets a fuckton of negative publicity for his derision of this guest who did him no harm, and I hope your whole damn station goes under. Wasn't Olbermann bad enough? Didn't you learn from him? Apparently not. Well, ok, so here's the video - you know the drill; it's probably cut off so the link is HEREand if it isn't cut off, here's the embed:

Ok, Cenk - I'll say it myself. You're not a retard. You're a fucking ASSHOLE. And if Ann Coulter was the swearing type that's what she would have called you anyway. How DARE you jump on Palin - PALIN, not even COULTER - when YOU are the disgrace? How dare you?? You colossal prick. And you know what? I hope I never see you on the streets, but your guest? Can come to my house for dinner any day of the week. How do ya' like them apples, jerkoff?

RELATED READING

Dipshit on Display

Obviously no one is going to quit bitchin; that's what blogs are for, right? At least I think so. But sometimes a character so odious, so repugnant, so abhorrent just keeps on and on and on for years and gets themselves put in the national spotlight yet, that you would really just wish they would once and for all just stfu. During the Edwards campaign two bloggers were hired to connect with the internet generation - I don't think little Johnny did much vetting, as these bloggers were so over-the-moonbat, so far left of Stalin, and so blatantly offensive to most Americans that Edwards actually had to fire them in shame and pretend the whole thing never happened. One of them I knew from the good old days (12 years or so perhaps - and she's a real humdinger all right) and one was a new one to me. It's that one I'm going to proverbially shred here, as she's just begging herself for a verbal shredding and always is. And since she always refers to herself as Queen Cunt of Fuck Mountain, I'm going to use very strong words to do it. Now I could do this every day since something insane appears every day, and I could exist for years doing nothing but that and never miss a single day blogging. But I don't have that kind of stamina, so let's settle for one representative shredding and leave the new blog idea for someone who has the stomach for it. It's a blog called shakespearessister and it's a haven of radical feminist leftism and constant invective. I've nothing against invective if it's A) funny and/or B) true, but none of this is either. As I've learned to my sorrow. This is someone who relies on Ezra Klein, KOS, ThinkProgress, and PAUL effing Krugman, who she apparently believes is an economist and not a politico duping millions as he rakes in the money.

One of today's offerings:

97: The percentage of Republicans in the House who "will still be receiving insurance through the Federal Employees' Health Benefits Plan—a federal exchange which offers subsidized coverage to federal government workers, including members of Congress. According to a ThinkProgress analysis, seven, or just three percent of all the Republicans in the House have agreed to give up their insurance while they vote to repeal coverage for some 32 million Americans."

Why yes, yes they will still be receiving health coverage. Let's put this in some perspective, shall we? See, the Republicans tried to introduce a plan that if the country were going to be forced into accepting Obamacare that the congress should have to all be covered under Obamacare as well. Guess who rejected that idea? The Democrats. None of them felt Obamacare was good enough for *them* - just for all of us, no matter how much we don't want it. Some of us don't want to be fined for not buying insurance when we can't afford it. Some of us know exactly where it's leading and don't want that either. And who are these mythical 30 million people who suddenly have health care that didn't before? Last I read, there are 222 companies (all contributors to Obama's campaigns) that are exempt from the bill now, and companies are being forced to charge more for insurance, drop people altogether, raise co-pays and cover fewer things in order to cut their expenses from this monstrosity of a bill. But an imaginary 30million new poor people have coverage. Uh-huh. Hey, I have this bridge available...

Scrolling down I see the constantly-covered "blood libel" anti-Semitic charge against Palin even though prominent Rabbis like Schmuley Boteach say she used it quite properly and even Ed Koch, who admits he is terrified of Palin's policy, says she didn't say anything wrong and did a good job with her speech. Others deride it as being a purposeful stab at the Jews, when Palin is an ardent Israel supporter (uh,yeah, Obama isn't.) But here's one no one else thought to mention because it's just that ridiculous.

At one point in the interview (which is viewable here), she also says: "They can't make us sit down and shut up." "Sit down and shut up" is a common enough phrase, but her they can't make us construction is evocative of the language of social justice movements, and the Civil Rights Movement in particular. That Palin chose to use these words, in this way, on Martin Luther King Day, is no coincidence.

No accident. Yes, she said "they can't make us" because she hates black people. You know why no one else reported this? Because it doesn't make any sense. But guess what? You CAN'T make us sit down and shut up. You CAN'T tell us we can "come along for the ride but they have to sit in back" as Obama said about Republicans. Because we won't do it. We may scare you, but you don't scare us.

You really should thank me because scrolling through this shit is harder than it looks. *Everything* is horrible and shred-worthy. And those words are no accident! They come on the anniversary of the Fargo woodchipper incident which as we all know was an anti-feminist crime.

Ah, she has a whole category called "Both Sides are Not Just As Bad." Why yes, yes they are. See also Fuller, the slew of new death threats to the Palins, and just...well yes, yes it's demonstrably true that both sides ARE just as bad. I've provided 3 links of the proof of that, one of which is a literal roundup of dozens of links proving exactly that. Now don't get me wrong - I don't see why *anyone* should "tone it down" - neither "side" (they seem to forget there are more than two sides here - hell, the CWA is boycotting CPAC because GOProud is welcome there; there are libertarians and there are all sort of other legitimate political foundations aside from the two parties, but hey, I'll stay with the phony "two-sided" meme if that floats your boat.)

As I've written before, anti-choice activists, in conjunction with the GOP, have successfully chipped away at abortion rights on the federal and state levels for two decades, hollowing the right guaranteed by Roe via "partial-birth abortion bans" and "parental consent laws" and state legislatures that refuse to fund clinics offering abortions and local municipalities creating barriers with zoning laws.

Bitch, please. D&X abortion is an atrocity almost anyone (well, anyone with a soul) can recognize, unless the baby is in a condition that is LITERALLY incompatible with life such as anencephaly. That isn't usually why it's done. And you know it. You know the AMA has said that procedure is never necessary to save the life of the mother, either. And yes, Dr. Tiller was a monster; I read up on his background and his statements. No, no one should have shot him, but that doesn't change what he was. And it isn't why so many clinics closed *years* before that. They operate for profit; if profits fall off, they close. Abortion is at an all-time low; apparently we don't need as many clinics because maybe,just MAYBE, people are using birth control. PARENTAL CONSENT LAWS do not take away anyone's rights; they RESTORE the right of the parents to have *knowledge* of serious medical procedures taking place on their CHILDREN - if the nurse can't give her an aspirin without your consent, they sure as shit can't operate on her. Get real. That doesn't restrict her right to have one; the parents have to be notified but that doesn't mean they can stop it. And ME refusing to PAY YOU for your abortion isn't taking away your right to have one. You find the fucking money; I don't owe you an abortion. Next time use a rubber; they're everywhere, you know.

The people who use violent rhetoric, and violence, bank on that response. They provoke until Something Bad Happens, and they count on their opponents' decency, which they exploit for maximum gain.

As Coulter said, if you want to know what the left is up to, just look at what they're accusing conservatives of. Believe me, no one over here is counting on YOU people to be anything approaching "decent". You never have been, why start now?

You know what every last Democrat in Congress needs to start shouting in front of every camera and into every microphone they can find...? That Rep. Gabrielle Giffords is only alive today because she had access to some of the best healthcare on the planet, which is paid for by the taxpayers of this nation, who deserve the same as she's got.

Oh good god. Where do you start with THAT? First of all, it was paid for by tax dollars because she works for the fucking government and all her salary and benefits come from the taxpayers. I certainly don't begrudge her health coverage provided by her job. Which so many people are now LOSING thanks to Obamacare. And WHY did she get the best healthcare in the world? Because she got it in the United States, which has maintained a semblance of a free market in the field and thus is constantly *innovating* and making advances in the field. Also because in this country it is ILLEGAL to turn away anyone who needs emergency care - such as someone who was just SHOT IN THE HEAD. Anyone would get the care available in their area and the bill comes later - if you are indigent it usually gets written off to charity care. They can't attach your wages for it or put you in jail for not paying it or take your house away for it - all they can do is try to collect. Ok those were the laws last time I needed medical care; have they changed? Did Obamacare fuck me over now too?

Then there's a rant on how evil Gwyneth Paltrow is for dispensing advice to other mothers because her privilege is so obvious. Now if only she'd done it the way Cracked did it it would have been funny. She doesn't "get" funny. Her idea of funny is this one rape joke (which only rape survivors get to make) that she is so proud of she constantly parades it around the place as one of the only acceptable rape jokes in existence. If I could make jokes I would totally make rape jokes since I'm allowed to since I had one too! (Ok, a couple but who's counting?) Please don't tell me you're sorry; I'm fine. Plenty of worse things have happened to me.

After seeing Palin's response to the witch-hunt and blood libel she is being subjected to - ON THAT VERY BLOG I MIGHT ADD - this blogger is "literally shaking with rage" so badly that she's "actually incoherent" right now. When WERE you coherent?

Embedded within Gergen's admonishment is the damnable lie that pointing out this act of violence does not exist in a void is the same thing as placing blame for the massacre.

You and your whole following certainly DID blame Palin and Beck et. al. and so did millions of other people. KOS insists "Mission accomplished, Sarah Palin" and one blog owner insists that there has to be some way Palin can be legally tried for this murder spree. Sound a little like blame? Yeah, I thought so too.

There's a complaint that Joe Biden made the same joke to every little girl or young woman he greeted during the congressional swearing in - "No dating until you're 30!" He just kept saying it and saying it. Poor Joe; he can only get UNINTENTIONAL laughs; when he tries he totally fails. But in this case he's being the "gatekeeper of women's sexuality." Wow. I didn't know my vagina had a gatekeeper all its own. Thanks Joe!

Ok, here's the one I wanted. I gave up scrolling and did a search. There's a new movie with Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston (sounds...awful) where he enlists the help of his friend (Aniston) to help him get the girl of his dreams. Obviously they will fall in love during the process and end up together; formula comedy at its "finest", right? Hokey bullshit no one will bother with. But wait! They use anti-feminist sexual assault imagery - it's a rape movie! WHO KNEW?

Here, we see Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler sitting on the beach fist-bumping each other, sealing the deal in which she'll help him "land the woman of his dreams." In the background, her bikini-clad back turned to the camera, is, presumably, said dream woman.

But take a closer look at the way their fists are positioned as they bump. X notes via email: "They appear to be about to pull apart the model's legs, like a turkey wishbone. This might take some kind of prize as the subtlest version of violence against women in movie posters that I've ever seen, but it still definitely suggests a violent act."

I guess it does if you're insane. In fact it's so subtle no one else will ever see it.

This is not a coincidence. The entire premise of the movie is that Sandler has enlisted Aniston's help to get laid, and here is the visual representation of the two of them working together to pry apart a woman's legs.

Not an accident! Something someone in their right minds wouldn't even think of is on purpose?? Does that even make sense? And who said she's trying to help him get laid? She's trying to help him "get the girl." A girl he thinks he loves. If he wanted to rape her he wouldn't need Aniston's help, now, would he? So now the poor slob who made the stupid movie poster is accused of rape apologia. They see violence in *everything* and these are the people we're supposed to now censor our speech for because it might be "violent"? Would YOU surrender your speech to people who would police it to such a ludicrous, insane extent? I sure as hell won't.

Ghastly.

Well I would have gone with "absurd" but that's just me I guess. Let me know when they make you language czar so we can all use idiotic terms like "hir" (instead of his/her) and "zie" (instead of he/she) and cic-gender (not transgender) like you do. Because we all want to talk like assholes.

But I've gotten about a dozen violent threats this week alone—more violent threats than donations. What am I supposed to do? What are all the women like me supposed to do? The women who can't afford the best private security money can buy...?

Given your definition of "violent talk" I'm surprised it's not thousands. But again given your definition it's probably less than a dozen. You know what's pretty dumb if you ask me? Putting your real name and information on your inflammatory blog. First thing they ever told us when the net was new was not to give people your dox. First time someone said "a/s/l" in chat I got freaked. I was like uh-uh. You give someone that shit you better be sure you can trust them. Next thing you know someone's putting surveyor's symbols on your face and we all know what happens next! ??? Profit!

Ok enough crazy for one day; I enjoy ripping up stupidity, most particularly lefty stupidity (conservative stupidity AND smartidity already gets pummeled enough; I don't need to aid it.) Libertarian stupidity is just starting to get its share because it's just now really coming into its own and because it encompasses such a broad group of people (religious, non-religious, anti-religious, different ethnicities, different cultures and disagreements on various issues) so it's going to be a little harder to get that started. Libertarians don't have a Limbaugh or a Coulter or...well maybe we do. We do have Penn Jillette and Drew Carey but they're pretty hard to cut up. Since they're both AWESOME. So we'll see where that all ends up going.

This is the Kind of Spontaneous Recognition I Need!

Neuro-Atypical Person Uses Nondescript Weapons-Type Object to Hug People

See, we all have to censor our speech now, again, in an effort to be PC.

This practice fell out of favor during Clinton as people realized, "Fuck you, I'll say what I want!" The left spared no speech in their attempts to get Bush killed with extreme prejudice. But they don't own guns, so screw them.

We're not supposed to say this guy was crazy. Crazy ain't PC. We're no longer supposed to mention guns. We're no longer supposed to use "violent rhetoric." It doesn't matter that this guy had nothing to do with the Tea Party or Sarah Palin and wasn't "political" in any recognizable sense. Because violent event = TEA PARTY! Our peaceful rallies are nullified by a lone gunman with no political agenda except that the government is controlling grammar and he has lucid dreams. Don't retreat - reload! which obviously meant "VOTE THEM OUT!" now means "KILL THEM" even though the guy was clearly unaware of this statement himself. It's contributing to a climate of hate. Representative Bob Brady is writing a bill to censor political speech, and when asked about people who might be against such legislation, he sincerely asks "Why would you be against it?" Apparently he missed the first amendment part of the reading of the constitution on the house floor the other day. The Constitution is hate speech anyway. (After all it was written by gun-owning insurgents who shot people in the quest for liberty, making them no different than Loughner.)

THE SHERIFF (and why weren't there police at this event???) blames conservatives immediately despite this NOT BEING HIS JOB AT ALL, and we find out HE KNEW LOUGHNER INTIMATELY and KNEW the guy was violent and dangerous...did nothing. He painted blame in order to excuse himself for any ACTUAL blame.

MarKOS of The Daily KOS is fomenting hatred by blaming the Tea Party for thisand especially Sarah Palin's "Target Map" despite using the exact same imagery himself and he decries "Target Lists" as violent despite using target lists extensively on his own site. Markos is a newfag asshole who never gives an inch and will blame the right for everything from global warming (er. climate change) to the cream in his coffee containing simplesse. As these people decry violent rhetoric and the climate of hate, they call us all murderers without a qualm. Yes, they're that stupid.

4-chan's Anonymous happily jumped on the bandwagon, not to make a political statement but to start trolling Palin's Facebook (and Giffords' if she has one), making posts about killing Palin, asking for pix of Giffords' bloody head, pretending to be Bristol Palin, and you know - just general mischief. They don't resemble V except insofar as they wear the masks in person. Markos is silent on the matter.

Through all this Penn Jillette made the most coherent and meaningful Twat I think I've ever seen - [b]"Fuck Civility. Hyperbole, passion, and metaphor are some of the most beautiful parts of rhetoric. Marketplace of ideas cannot be toned down for the insane."[/b] YOU GO PENN!

But just in case newspeak takes the day, we have (with the help of Iowahawk) rewritten some violent imagery in popular references. Johnny Cash has been rewritten to say "I hugged a man in Reno/just to watch him smile..." and movie titles "12 Slightly Disgruntled Men and/or Womyn" and art to "The Non-Sexual Aiding of the Sabine Womyn". Gotta be careful or these neuro-atypicals will non-violently take over by hugging people in the face.

On a happy note, Loughner YOU FAIL! YOUR WOMAN LIVES! OUTLANDER!

God bless Giffords for living. And keep fighting the good fight. I can't figure out how to make that statement non-violent, so FIGHT! (Passively resist? Ok, PASSIVELY RESIST, GIFFORDS!) As Giffords passively resists for her life, let's all just give up our free speech and condemn Sarah Palin as a murderer. Nothing nasty about that now, is there? And now your moment of Zen - the non-violent left and their non-violent rhetoric (which they claim we will not find no matter how hard we look) - oh gee, they better tone it down!

(On a serious note, none of these people are responsible for this atrocity - left or right. Loughner's responsible. In his lucid dreams. But you wanna play that game fucknuggets? THEN PLAY.)

http://www.zombietime.com/zomblog/?p=621 From the DC Tea Party Rally I went to - drove four hours and struck gold - gay, straight, black, white, atheist, Christian - WE ARE ONE! AMERICANS!

F*** Your Mitsubishi...I've a Horse Outside

Cut off? View it HERE. Fuck your Mitsubishi. These guys are from Limerick and they ROCK! (Apparently the horse thing is true; you can find many people with no vehicles except for the horse there.)

Book Comes To Life

Cool-Ass Video Obviously it's cut off so watch it HERE