New York Slimes Howls at the Moon

Barking moonbats never, ever get sick of doing this, and since the fun is almost over, some are falling all over themselves to get in a really spectacular ending. This is so insanely over the top - and in a paper that likes to pretend it has some semblance of respectability - that you really, truly have to think it's just too ridiculous to be a decent parody. That's because it isn't. Lest anyone ever tell me I've overstated the Unhinged Bush Derangement Syndrome, don't tell me. I will only point you back here and laugh. Classy, and crazy, right to the end, the howling moonbats.

WE like our failed presidents to be Shakespearean, or at least large enough to inspire Oscar-worthy performances from magnificent tragedians like Frank Langella. So here, too, George W. Bush has let us down. Even the banality of evil is too grandiose a concept for 43. He is not a memorable villain so much as a sometimes affable second banana whom Josh Brolin and Will Ferrell can nail without breaking a sweat. He’s the reckless Yalie Tom Buchanan, not Gatsby. He is smaller than life.

The last NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll on Bush’s presidency found that 79 percent of Americans will not miss him after he leaves the White House. He is being forgotten already, even if he’s not yet gone. You start to pity him until you remember how vast the wreckage is. It stretches from the Middle East to Wall Street to Main Street and even into the heavens, which have been a safe haven for toxins under his passive stewardship. The discrepancy between the grandeur of the failure and the stature of the man is a puzzlement. We are still trying to compute it.

I know. It's hard to believe such a thing is written in earnest about the basically mild-mannered Texan who bears all this madness with incredible grace, and only showed real anger when thousands of our people were brutally slaughtered by madmen. But there it is. Bush is simultaneously a slope-browed Neanderthal and Satan incarnate, the greatest and not-banal-but-totally-banal-anyway evil ever visited on the Late, Great Planet Earth, which he singlehandedly destroyed. From the depths of the oceans to the far corners of the earth to the heavens and stars, this meaningless, small creature has laid ruin to the UNIVERSE! He rattles on with indictment after indictment in this manner, contradicting himself constantly, from the typical Bush-rained-fire-and-water-down-on-New-Orleans-in-a-murderous-rage to the fact that only 1/3 of US citizens want him to play a post-presidency role in our lives. Hey, that's a hell of a lot more than wanted Carter, and he hasn't gone anywhere, has he? At least Bush is willing to get the hell of the stage and not become a professional dick for the next 40 years. Read it if you can bear it, but remember to laugh.

"Fort Campbell Troops Say Bush Visit Gives Hope, Inspiration"

And now for someone with more than two brain cells actually firing.

Lastly…can we finally be done with all the hatred? George Bush is very soon to be out of a job. Time to let up on him a bit, don’t you think? Erase the hate, Lefties. You can stop proclaiming him to be the anti-christ, evil incarnate, the boogeyman, Darth Vader, or the Heartbreak of Psoriasis. The guy did his best. Like him, don’t like him, he kept us from attack for seven-and-a-half years so let it go. Your guy is in now, so relax. Have fun again. Laugh without derision. Smile without the snide. You remember how? Take off your flak jackets, it’s going to be okay. Our brave warriors did some serious ass-kicking in the Middle East, and though there’s no shortage of crazy Islamo-fascist bad guys yet to come, at least they know who they’re f*cking with.

Somehow along the way, so many of you forgot one simple, undeniable tenet: We’re the good guys. We’re not imperialists, or else we would’ve nuked the oil countries into radioactive dust, then moved in and taken the oil. We don’t ‘torture’ prisoners, or lawyers for the Gitmo ‘detainees’ would have CNN photographing the horrid scars and missing limbs. We don’t bully smaller, less developed nations. On the contrary, we expend our more precious asset: the blood of our brave, bright and courageous young men and women – all in committed effort to free them from despotic, brutal dictators. We are not brash. In 1991 we amassed a coalition of 34 nations before we acted to oust Saddam Hussein from Kuwait, and this after months and months of negotiations and U.N. resolutions. Twelve years later after waiting six months and seeing fourteen U.N. resolutions ignored by Hussein, George W. Bush had accrued a multi-national coalition and a majority vote in Congress before sending troops into Iraq. We are the big dog on the block. And yet we ask no penance from lesser countries. Instead we offer aid in the form of cash, medicine, and humanitarian help. When we go after bad guys in war, we don’t carpet bomb, or blow up civilian-filled buses. We have smart bombs that pinpoint targets to limit collateral civilian casualites. We’re the good guys. Only an entrenched self-loathing hatred of America will prevent you from seeing that. If that’s the case, you have my sympathy. But don’t let the door hit you on the way out. And yes, this is our country, whether a Democrat of a Republican occupies the White House.

Go read that one when you have a chance. I'll wait.

That's better. Mr. Bush, you catered too much to the left and though the economy grew, you did let them get away with way too much so we're in a bit of a pickle now. But I remember the day you showed up at Ground Zero, where those of us nearby had been rather cut off from the world at large, and I saw those dispirited, abjectly heartbroken men and women digging through the rubble lift their eyes, their heads, and their hearts. The cheers were deafening. While Bill Clinton rambled through the streets accosting people to tell them he was THIS CLOSE to Bin Laden, you lifted the spirits of every man and woman in that rubble, and they desperately, desperately needed you. You have quietly gone to visit with countless soldiers and their families, and they too needed you. It wasn't a photo op (as was Obama's canceled visit to wounded soldiers when no cameras were allowed) - it was a labor of love. Some of us know this. We may have been disappointed by your centrism but we know you are not an evil man or a bad man, but a decent one. You have had your shining moments, and some of us will remember them, I promise. Please do not be too downcast about the barking and the completely discredited mainstream media; retire in peace.