February 21, 2009

The Magical Cloak - Part 2!

So my daughter took a brief hike over to the Quick Chek on the corner last weekend, and it were COLD. So she wore her warm, cozy, luscious cloak. (Now this is her story and I'm going to let her add to it; but since she's going too slow for my tastes I'm starting it. Neiner neiner.) It was about 2:30 AM on a Saturday night.

Suddenly a squad car pulls up and accosts her. A SQUAD CAR? Ok...there IS a curfew in this town; if you're under 18 you're not allowed out after 11PM. Never mind whether that's right or not. She does have a baby face, and looks about 12, depending. So they sometimes stop and check her ID to be sure she's not a kid, then apologize and leave. Not so this time.

THIS time they took her ID and started running her name, asking if she had any outstanding warrants. She said, "Uh, no, I DON'T have any warrants, what's the trouble?" Meantime, police car after police car began pulling up - they do that in these podunk fucking NJ towns - one guy gets a live call and suddenly they ALL show up to see the fun - and she stood there having a cigarette and laughing. Because it was already really dumb.

They told her - and I'm serious - that they received a call in to the station that someone was outside dressed as a SUPERHERO.. A what? Not a Druid? And, pardon me, but when you get insane calls like that, shouldn't it go more like,

"There's a person outside dressed as a WHAT?"

"A...(whispering) superhero."


"Well he's OUT THERE. Dressed as a...(whispering) superhero."

"What's he doing, ma'am?"

"He's...(whispering) WALKING."

"Walking? Is he doing anything else?"


"(low voice) No."

"Yeah, ok, we'll be sure to check THAT out." Click.

Or perhaps, "Ma'am, put down the vodka bottle and go to bed now."

Instead they send the entire fucking police force to check it out? Are you kidding me?

So while they're RUNNING HER NAME, she asks, "Um, so is there something illegal about wearing a CLOAK?"

Actual answer, "Well, well, no...but we just want to know why you're wearing it." WHAT?

Possible answers:

It is the will of Landrew.

You speak in strange whispers my friend...but you better hurry, it is the red hour.

No more blah blah blah!

Actual answer: "Because it's COLD out here!"

As the other police cars showed up, the accosting officer yelled over to each one in turn, "It's ok! She was just wearing it because she was cold!" and they went off on their merry way.

What in FUCK can be going on here? How in the HELL do police answer such a ridiculous call, and harass an innocent citizen who's walking down the fucking street? She asked them what IF she had been wearing a superhero costume, or a fucking TUTU for that matter...no answer. When they determined she had no warrants, they left her alone. Jesus. She wasn't even carrying a sword. She should try that next time.


Travis Lee said...

The voices told me to.

Don't you hear the VOICES?!

Kat said...

Can't quit laughing. Unbelievable!

purple raider said...

You have got to be kidding me.

There was a secret camera, right?

Dressed up like a superhero?

Annie, I suggest you move to more hospitable territory, like Texas!

Oh, and nice obscure Star Trek reference.

Larry said...

I got pulled over, in my Navy uniform, at 2AM in the little town I lived in because I had driven down a side road that I didn't usually drive down and some busybody called the police about a "suspicious car" in the neighborhood.

But at least there was only one of them...

AnnieMcPhee said...

Haha; glad you caught the Star Trek references, purple - my brother-in-law came up with those (he has a way of making good jokes like that) when he heard the question. Will of Landrew lol.

Moving sounds more attractive every year, I tell you.

Larry, did they say you were dressed like a superhero too, or just Gene Kelly? Hahaha!

phthaloblu said...

A super hero? OMG! I'm still laughing. I almost spit out my tea all over my keyboard! LOL! Will of Landrew, oh, that's priceless! Next time she should maybe mutter an incantation or speak with an Irish accent, that'll really throw them. This Friday night she should dress like Wonder Woman and RUN down to the store.

Larry said...

Annie, it gets better.

The next night my wife came and got me at 2AM because she had needed the car that day. I told her "Drive down this street."

Sure enough, the same cop pulled us over, but when he saw it was her he said "Oh, it's you. Your mirror is broken." and turned and walked away.

(They thought she was some kind of fed because she had it out with the police chief, in his own front yard, one day and told him that she "knew where all the bodies were buried.")

This police department no longer exists, BTW. Shut down for corruption a couple of years after we left town.

But I learned a very important lesson. Never p*ss off the wife.