February 18, 2009

Oh the Times, How They Change!

I saw a new ADORABLE collection of letters from little children to the Obamessiah, and decided to compare it to those cute little human interest stories they publish of that sort during the last administration. Quite the difference!!! Let's compare, shall we? Also - it's kinda creepy as hell, because one list reads just like an indictment while the other reads like a PRAYER TO GOD. See if you can tell which!

Letters to President Bush by THE Chillllllldreeen!

Dear President Bush,

We’re almost out of ivory toothpicks and we need a new hedge maze (the old one is too easy). Please give Daddy another tax cut. Pleeeaaassseee? If you do, I’ll get Yolanda to bake you some cookies. She’s from Mexico but don’t tell anyone ‘cuz it’s a big secret.

Chip, age 7

Awww! Isn't that CUTE? See, Bush is bad because people employ illegal immigrants at slave wages and keep it a big secret because they're imperialist assholes. Of course, the left wants illegal immigrants to have full amnesty, so I'm not sure what the hell else they're supposed to do, but hey! Logic need not apply!

Dear President Bush,

Can you really turn back time? Mommy’s life partner says you want to go back to a time when radio was popular and people wore hats and there were tigers everywhere. Just be careful that you don’t accidentally kill your own grandmother or grandfather, because then you wouldn’t exist. It’s a paradox.

Ashley, age 8

Get it? I...think I do. It means Bush is a bigot against lesbians. Or something.

Dear President Bush,

I’m hungry. Mommy lost her second job at Target and now we can’t afford relish or anything. Please put food on my family! Anything you can spare would be great. God bless!

Conny, age 7

See, Bush is starving the chiiiildreeen! And they actually write to the president to tell him they're HUNGRY. Because they wouldn't ask for food at school or anything, they are so hungry that only the president can feed them! Then they say "God Bless" because Bush is a Christofascist Godbag who imposes religion on everyone.

Dear President Bush,

I used to want to be a politician like you, but not anymore. Aunt Lucy says politicians eat pies stuffed with baby birds. I tried to bake a pie like that, and now I’m not allowed in the park anymore, not even just to use the swings. It’s not fair!

Teddy, age 9

Bush was so evil he caused little children to commit violent crimes against animals. Because he hates animals too!

Now let's see what Obi-wan Jugears gets in the way of prayers - er, letters - from children.

I would appreciate it if you would try to make this a greener planet and try to bring home the troops and end the war. I am very luckey because I am not part of a military family, but it saddens me to hear about all the people who die in Iraque and know that somewhere In the world people are greiving over a lost family member.

Oh...I guess that's a little hat tip to how heinous the last administration was, so it's really a letter about teh evil Bush. Which isn't really a CHANGE.

Another child drew Obama as the "new sunrise of America." One made Earth and labeled it "Obamaland," and still another created the president's face as half dark and half light skin tones with the words: "United We Are One."

A sunrise! That's beautiful. And the whole earth Obamaland? Well...I dunno, you might wanna check with Ahmedinejad and Castro and Chavez first...that might be considered a little presumptuous! Though I hear Venezuela just elected its president FOR LIFE! Maybe Obama could do that! Be sure to put up Che posters, too!

"Make fires and earthquakes not exist. Make no tornadoes or any of those things that break things."

Oh, no need to worry - Bush and his evil hurricane-creating-machine have been banished right along with Sauron! I'm pretty sure he ran out of power after using it to create Katrina and drown a city.

An 11-year-old boy from Ohio drew himself in tears at the side of a relative. His dream, he wrote, is that a "cure for cancer will be found" with Obama in the White House, "Because it took my aunt to a better place on father's day."

I'm sure that with healthcare rationing that he just signed into law, which will bring the experimental and exploratory pharmaceutical and medical research to a halt, that THAT dream will come TWUE! Nah, just kidding; she'd be euthanized instead; but probably not on father's day.

Sasha's drawing is an all-green globe. Her enthusiasm for Obama and his ability to get the job done speaks volumes: "I just think he's really, really awesome."

Oh he is, Sasha, he is.

Dear Mr. Obama. Please Make it rain candy! (Or Chocolate Rain?)

Oh, he will, Aaron, he will. Just ask Henrietta and Julio. Some people say the stories of them getting into those meetings and being so perfectly timed were a little fishy, but I'm sure they're just big ol' meanies who hate Santa and eat baby kittens for breakfast. If he'd rain some candy down on Hamas, maybe they'd stop killing off furry children's show hosts and bombing Israel too. Though being a martyr IS a huge draw.

Kiddie shows! Maybe you'll stop blaming Bush and blame the dirty jews if you're carefully taught.


Travis Lee said...

Great post!

However I am disappointed that you are failing to show the proper respect and deference due to our first Magic Mulatto Messiah.

Let us remember to call him PRESIDENT Obi-Wan Jugears.

Eema-le said...

That whole president for life thing, they're already trying to get that ironed out.


phthaloblu said...

Oh yeah, let it rain crack, too, that oughta take care of some of those fucktards that voted for Bammy.

The Last Angry Man said...

Obi-Wan Jugears!!! I love it.