April 13, 2009

Things that Make You Go Hmm...

So we already know that pirates are hilarious - just ask Hillary Clinton. We know that Obama is now a hero - just ask the media. What else do we know?

Well, we know that

Richard Phillips was just one of more than 250 hostages of many nationalities being held by pirates who have seized dozens of vessels, from oil tankers to luxury yachts, in recent months.

Helicopters once again flew over pirate bases near Eyl on the Somali coast overnight after his rescue.

"They killed our friends on the lifeboat and we thought helicopters would bomb us in Eyl last night," a pirate in Eyl, who called himself Farah, told Reuters.

"We were mourning for dead friends and then roaring planes came -- grief-upon-grief. America has become our new enemy."

Really? Oh, *really*? 250 hostages in recent months, and these are your "friends"? Which makes us bad? Have I gone insane, or did this guy seriously just say that?

Oh, I'm so fucking sorry they flew helicopters over your pirate base, you miscreant turd, and I'm SO SORRY your hostage-taking criminal pirate "friends" are dead...oh wait, no I'm not. And since when do we want you as anything but an enemy, turd? Why the hell would we want you for anything BUT an enemy?

While some people are bending over backwards to praise Obumbles for grudgingly signing off on a vague order to "use appropriate force" - IF the captain's life was in immediate, imminent danger (being a hostage to armed pirates isn't enough, apparently) - I'm not going to be that generous. The only possible appropriate resolution of this would have resulted in these miscreant criminal shitstains to now FEAR us and fear coming near us ever again, not to declare us their new enemy and threaten us further. There never should have been any question of deadly force the instant any of this came close to happening. 250 hostages in the past few months do not call for negotiations or for inquiries in a court of law, as Obi-wan so graciously called for. The fact that it was even a question is outrageous. The fact that his stand was not immediate and forceful and strong instead of the weasel-words he DID use, grudgingly, in the final extremes, does not in the least speak well of his decision in the slightest. The fact that there has been no fear cast into their black hearts tells me all I need to know.

"This is a big wake-up to the pirates. It raises the stakes. Now they may be more violent, like the pirates of old," he said.

So far, pirates have generally treated hostages well, sometimes roasting goat meat for them and even letting them phone loved ones. The worst violence has been the occasional beating. No hostages are known to have been killed by pirates.

Oh, wait. I guess I was wrong. They're really just a bunch of good guys using unconventional means to make a living just like the rest of us, and we have wrongheadedly now invoked their ire, made a new enemy, and encouraged future violence with our imperialism and our barbarous, torturous methods. Roasted goat meat surely makes up for the minor inconvenience of having your ship shot up, boarded, hostages taken, beaten, and held captive for a week at gunpoint - just pay the money and shut the fuck up next time. They need money too!

Are you KIDDING me?


Hammer said...

They're just funnin...

The pirates are just like Robin hood an sheeit.

Time to break out the nuclear depth charges.

phthaloblu said...

They said they didn't fear America anymore. Hmmmm. I guess they do now afterall. Pussies.

Maybe next time they'll take Bambi hostage. I can tell you right now, I'm not paying for his sorry ass.